have you noticed these from a train?????
May 25 2012. 10am
“I can’t die… I’m jux 25 and my Lil sis Jul is getting married next month and there’s so much to be done n said between Gary n me… Ooh dear…” There is nothing left to be said and done. That green line and the awkward beep sound tell it all. It’s over. But it jux don’t fit in. Why there is no white light to take me to heaven or why no ravens to take me to hell… I’m still here… Invisible too…
“Ooh I get it… There is some unfinished business… I can’t go without fulfilling it…That’s it…Jul’s wedding”. It’s my dream. After mom’s death I literally became her mom. Dad was going through a lot then.
Now the hospital people are taking me to the morgue. I’m still shocked… But how… I can’t even remember a thing… The last thing I remember is I’m congratulating Jul on her engagement with Adam.. What happened after that? I’m hearing soft sobs behind me. Jul is crying on Adam’s shoulder and Sam is trying to console dad. Gary is making arrangements for relieving my body. I heard dad telling Gary that I’ll be buried near my mom at St. Xavier church grounds. God this is horrible… I can’t take this anymore….I ran out crying. Outside its rush time and people are walking through me. I cried aloud. But it was worthless. None of them heard me. I felt a pain in my heart. I ran and ran and ran endlessly…crying… Wandering through the city. I’m lost….. Finally I found myself standing in front me the church. The one place where it’s all going to end.
I ran to the stairs leading to the church hall. But something stopped me. No… I can’t watch myself lying in a coffin all dressed up. At that moment there came the limousine and Gary stepped out. He’s carrying a bunch of white roses followed by Jumpie. He has a bunch of white lilies. Ooh he used to give me a white lily every morning. Freshly plucked from Gary’s garden without him noticing…
Sam came in her yellow beetle with a hand full of small bits of papers. The papers through with we passed on messages and gossips and evening party plans during office hours. Gary hated texting while in office. Those paper bits hold the whole essence of our friendship… My heart is coming down into pieces. This is not right… This is unfair… I saw those last bits of my memory being deposited in the coffin…
“Hei… Wait a minute. What on earth is Jul carrying..? No way…” Mom’s wedding gown??? But I gift wrapped it for Jul. “ Jul… why did u do this dear… I will never want to wear it… not in my funeral.” Gary is going to place those flowers in my hands. God this is even more painful… He knew about it… he knew about my crush…now I pulled him too to this mess. When am I going to understand the meaning of d phrase “bad timing”…?
I slipped to the cemetery and stood at my mom’s tombstone. In a few moments I’ll be here near her. I saw the long garland I put on the tombstone a month back on her death anniversary. I tried to pick it up.”Damn… I’m dead…” my hands passed through it.
I turned and walked to the church hall. I’ve made my mind that I will take a last sneak peek at myself. As I walked I saw a man hurrying into the hall. I didn’t see his face but he was holding a lot of things in his hands.
I heard the priest saying prayers. They have started the funeral ceremony and the worst part is I don’t remember what happened to me. I stood there for a few minutes. With all my strength I stepped into the hall and sat at the last row. Now they have started to talk about me. Moments they shared with me. The laughter and tears , all of them ..
Finally it’s over and I walked besides my coffin and it struck me. My Goodness Jul is wearing a wedding ring. “What… she got married…?” Then I saw Gary with some girl and she’s wearing his mother’s ring. “What is going on…? Gary’s engaged and Jul’s married… then.. Why am I still here… I’ve nothing left to do…” then I saw it. “God what‘ve I done…!”
There at my coffin stood the most unexpected man… Gary’s Cousin Daniel. My childhood friend
Any one curious about the post’s name “Train diary” ???????
Monday mornings always started with the journey from my home to calicut…. and the mode of transport,… well of course train…
the great Chennai Mail… its actually too early for any one to go at that point of day… but I’m out of choices.. the train is at morning 6:05 am… so eventually i ended up hating Monday mornings….( juz these past two years…. 😦 )
i always take the Ladies Coach and its always crowded. not even one inch to put your legs and stand.. its really awful on days when it got the small coach… so it’s not jux the waking up that i hate.. but the lot of fights involved once you get into the Ladies Coach… whatever it is i still make my way and find a seat and get busy with a book and soothing music in my ears… (really i love those travel.. 🙂 ).
if its raining that’s the best time…i always tweet that ” sitting at the window seat of Chennai mail with a cup of hot coffee and excellent music flowing through ma headphones… lyf can no more be perfect than this..’ this is the case of mornings… when it comes to evenings… its an entirely different story…
Evenings in Chennai mail are legendary…. guess why???? because of all the fuss and running behind the RMS coach…. when it comes to the evening Chennai mail, half of the RMS coach is converted to Ladies Only Coach… There are numerous women who take this very train to come to work and go back… for them its juz a piece of cake.. but my case is different.. I’m only taking this train on weekending Friday and the week starter Monday ( yes,… I’m annoyed by the crowded places 😉 )
i would like to share all the interesting stories happened there with you people…..
welcome to train diary……
don’t forget to read it on all Friday evenings…
On the raining morning of 26th of April, I set off with my friends (who had a sleepover at my home) to the city called as “queen of the Arabian sea”, Cochin. We are going to the Cochin University of Science And Technology (CUSAT). We planned our journey the day before and it was a fool proof one, until the rain started. Sudden summer rains delayed the trains and the one we planned to get in was delayed by 2 hours. We can’t wait that longer and we went straight to the bus station and from there it was a walk back in time.
Those roads and the rain blended nicely. My friends and I were sitting together and I was jabbering about my days like a lunatic and I showed them my school the great “St.Therese’s girls high school”.
Ooh ………what a sight it was. That first day in this school I still recall it; it was raining juz like this. The very sight of my 10th grade classroom swept to those nostalgic moments. We were a group of 8 girls and gave the teachers a great deal of trouble…..
Moving on through the same roads further leads to my college, where I completed my graduation in physics. But the bus took some other way due to some traffic probs.
Then there was the most beautiful road I had ever seen in my life. There lies the national highway to Cochin. Smooth road, so smooth that you won’t even know that you are in a bus. It feels that you are in a plane. The weather was also favoring our trip. Bit cloudy, only small strands of sunlight and it was a bit raining. I was hearing to the soothing music “turn me on” by Norah Jones. Wind was gently touching my cheeks; I let my hand feel the wind and the dripping rain. I don’t know why but my mouth was curving and I was smiling to myself. A sense of self satisfaction skipped me………
I never thought of myself as someone who enjoys watching nature…… but I’m turning into one. Theses travels have changed me in a great deal …
Well we reached our destination at the planned time and returned……..
It was an awesome day despite the difficulties…. It took me to my old school days……..
Today, i was on my way to the post office (some things have to be sent in post, if its important and is been sent to old people) and i took a short cut. it took me through my childhood memories….
those were the paths i took when i was a about 7 or 8 (and when i was younger than that). things were the same in the beginning of the path. the same old cottages, the same open public play ground,and to one corner of it there stood my pre-kinder garden school (a small kids crush). All those days took a small play back there in front of me in that instant. My very first class room. well no one was there on a Saturday, so i was there alone, and it did give a lot of time to cherish those awesome memories. Those first days- crying, being stubborn, and all…..
i moved on and there stood my friend’s house. But no one lives there now. Looks like they sold it to some one.(she’s there in my face book friends list). then came a turn and as i took it, i was surprised. there stood so many new cottages. i was astonished to find that every inch of greenery and silence that i had in my memories is now filled with buildings and noise. the place turned into a chaotic place…….
Going on i found the movie theatre that we used to go on every Friday, when we lived as one big joint family. No changes for it.(thank god!!!! :-)). i smiled widely by the thought of the movie and all those hurry-burry to get the tickets, and those fights at the popcorn counters and finally securing our seats at the top most row and laughing on every bloody joke until our guts were out……..
next came the post office… well nothing changed there… except 4 the new employees and the new grown up me….
walking those lane… i saw my childhood……
i want to grow up once again.. want to run through those lanes… laughing and enjoying the feeling of freedom and ignorance….