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You know why i said i m ready for a kid??

Its not because i m scared not having one in future but this constant feeling that is eating me.
I may have scored the best than the rest of our group or in your friend circle. I may have had the better education than them. But I am a total failure than all. 

Even i have a wish to get a decent job with a decent pay. I wish to be in a quality work space. Not between some kitchen wives who jabber about nothing other than saas bahu drama and how horrible is married life. I want to be between quality people who enjoys life like our friends’ group does. Who makes me feel yes these are the people i want to be around or this is where i belong..

But no i always end up in garbage. I have realized its not gonna happen. i tried a lot to turn my luck. But no. i have worked hard; hard like anything to get those numbers on my marklist but alas they are mere numbers… And i am a big zero… 

Atleast i don’t want to be a even more giant failure buy wining over not having a baby.

autobiographic bit, College, essay, Friends, Frienship, fun, life, memories, Nostalgia, personal, prose, Relations, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Paralyzed Student………

i really wanna blog every day… but now i’m really busy….. now i know why most of my frnds don’t have time to call or mail me…. every one is busy with their life….

student life is the golden era of one’s life… no worries, no burden, no responsibility, nothing… juz full of fun….. most beautiful days… days filled with vibrant colors of life, energy, n lots of drama,…..

now i see all this in front of my eyes… but cant be one of them…. its like u see these moments but cant live it…. yup.. that’s the life of a college lecturer…..

lemme put it this way…. a lecturer is like a paralyzed student…. u see everything around u, u feel the vibes around u… but u cant live it…….

so yeah now I’M A PARALYZED STUDENT……….

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The Unpleasant Truth (part 1)

May 25 2012:-

The day began as usual. I’m driving ma car beyond the city limit. Cops will follow me in any sec; before it happens I pulled up at Barry’s for ma usual coffee n burger. I’m late for my office and if I don’t make it by 5 minutes Gary is going to kill me. Ooh Gary is my boss and I’m his personal assistant. I pulled out saying good morning to old Barry and in 5 minutes I found myself parking my car at the parking lot near to Gary’s Porsche’s place.

I rushed to the elevator which was about to close. I screamed,” Hold it…” I got in and got out the 12th floor. I’m totally surprised coz I ‘m rushing to be here on time and looks like half the office is on leave. “What’s with all…????”. Any ways I went to my desk. “Oohh God…Not this…”it’s as I left it 2 weeks back when I was called for an emergency by my lil sister. I arranged my desk and looked at Gary’s log and he’s going to have a hell of the day. 3 meetings with international companies and a court hearing and to top it off he have to fly again to Rio for signing the contract of his new Mansion there. A man of 29 to gain this success….. Pretty impressive… yeah I’m head over heels in love with him and the whole office knows it except him… Well it’s my job to make sure he reaches everywhere on time. I scheduled it and there he is coming rushing to the office followed by Jumpie. Jumpie is his driver/bodyguard.

Looks like he is in a bad mood… I stood up and said Good morning. He barely heard it. He suddenly stopped and looked back at me. I’m stunned and he Signed and got to his office. I followed him but he barely noticed. Something seems odd. Since I got her, everyone is so not here, there is something wrong. He is not talking to me; also he didn’t hand over his coat to me. Suddenly Sandy came in and he’s asking about the schedule to her. He is acting as if I’m not there. I went out and took the documents which needed his sign immediately. But as I try to take it, it slipped and God knows how I started bleeding, bleeding like hell and I can’t find a handkerchief. Suddenly Jumpie came in and announced that its time to go for the hospital. “Someone is sick…???? It got to be someone special or else why the whole office is shutting down for the evening…” then I noticed God everyone is in mourning except me… “You bloody Sam; u didn’t text me about this”.

Samantha a.k.a Sam is my office buddy. She didn’t show up here today too. I grabbed my bag and went with others. Gary have arranged for a shuttle service. I got in it and it pulled up at the city hospital. We went in. Then I saw there’s Sam standing and she’s crying. Ooh God who is it…

It’s the devastating moment in my life… there in the hospital bed is where I lie. “God what’s this… How is this… what’s happening”. I run in there and stood in front of them but no one seeing me and there is this priest who’s saying prayer and what are they doing… ooh God that’s the reason for the bleeding… I’m dying. The doctor is coming “hei… hello I’m here… please someone.. Get me back to my body… I’m alive… don’t do anything stupid… No… no… No… don’t pull the pipe… I’ll die… don’t…” but the doctor pulled it… and the end… I closed my eyes and nothing happened…