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You know why i said i m ready for a kid??

Its not because i m scared not having one in future but this constant feeling that is eating me.
I may have scored the best than the rest of our group or in your friend circle. I may have had the better education than them. But I am a total failure than all. 

Even i have a wish to get a decent job with a decent pay. I wish to be in a quality work space. Not between some kitchen wives who jabber about nothing other than saas bahu drama and how horrible is married life. I want to be between quality people who enjoys life like our friends’ group does. Who makes me feel yes these are the people i want to be around or this is where i belong..

But no i always end up in garbage. I have realized its not gonna happen. i tried a lot to turn my luck. But no. i have worked hard; hard like anything to get those numbers on my marklist but alas they are mere numbers… And i am a big zero… 

Atleast i don’t want to be a even more giant failure buy wining over not having a baby.

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autobiographic bit, essay, Friends, Frienship, fun, inspirations, life, literature, memories, Nostalgia, personal, poetic, Quotes, Relations, romance, Thoughts, Uncategorized, wedding

A love letter 

Its funny that i wrote my first love letter to my husband after a year of our marriage. But thats is the best part of it. 

I got married on Jan 31st. But for me i got married on thr Christmas eve. Our’s was a.. um.. well arranged love marriage. Our family friends made us to meet and in just 3 or 4 days we decided to get married. In a month we were engaged and in 4 months we were married. 

Both of us have the same POV regarding relationship and it follows ” Lets not go around with dating and then getting to know and so on. Lets get married and then lets know each other.” For both of us it was like an adventure rollar coaster ride. Adrenaline and so much. 

So this love letter i wrote was not a surprise to him. But was full of surprises.

It goes like this

This is something that i wanted to tell you long back.How can you be sooooo charming and uuffffffffffff bloody hootttttt, making me want you all the time. You are like fire for me, the heat never leaves. Whenever i feel its going to be a show night i m excited to levels you can’t imagine. its like the first time.That adventure peak you took me on Christmas eve is still there. It feels like tht same night. For more than 500 days and nights its been the same, that thirst and desire is same.  The excitement is same from day one,Its still there.. i ll never get enough of you ever. You have grown in me like the root of a giant tree.It goes deeper in me day by day. I love you and desire you, each and every piece of you day after day… It’s like a thrill, an Excitement, an Adventure. Something that makes me do all kind of weird things.. wish for all weird things.  Simply you drive me crazy. YOU are irresistibly.My fox.I m yours only yours and i ll never ever get bored of you, because you are that spark that set whole of me, my whole world to fire.

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Growing old

“Grow old with me, the best is yet to be. The last of life, for which the first was made” Lines by Robert Browning.

We all may have come across these lines in our life. But how many us have actually known the meaning of it. For some it takes a pretty tragic moment to realize the meaning, by the time you realize it you might have lost the person itself. God forbid those situations. So don’t wait for the realization to struck you and there is no coming back. Go out front and be open about your feelings. Go out front and be open about yourself. Be honest and truthfully accept your flaws and perfections. Dont hesitate to share the same with your loved one  that special one so that when you hit that tragic moment you leave with no regrets but rather with a full joyful heart.

Never take time for granded. Live the moment and don’t ever wait for the right time. Who knows you ll be there to see it or not???

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From Valentine to valentine and many more

I was with the notion of starting my blog writings again from this Valentine to next and many more. My husband whom i call with all my love and passion as Mr. Fox gave me a special book and a pen. I thought i ll write everyday in tht book. My small small scribble and scratches that pops in my head all day. But life is life. From that day onwards life was too busy. Writing seemed to be an unattainable fruit. I tried hard to find time in my schedule. But one or the other it seemed delayed. Now after more than a month i finally found the time to do my writing.

This is not a diary. But this is personal. Yet shareable. I want to paint the little joy i have with my husband. Our little fights, larger happiness, little sorrow and our bigger laughter all with you. Just to add up to that positive quotient you might be searching for and to inspire myself that this is my life anf there is much more to discover abd explore.

So do help me in my journey and lets get under the orange umbrella.

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The demon and the unbalanced equation

it all started with a simple conversation. i never knew there are people or lets juz say raw flesh searching for me. the orange umbrella have opened wide. but this wide!! never imagined!!

still it was a surprise but more was the realization it gave me. The realization that the mightier warrior in me should not be left to die. i should write more frequent. not to shed out the weight of my heart but to make myself more radiant.  the fire inside me should not be extinguished.

this is a thank you post for the demon who have given the wind to the fire in me. Raavan the demon i worship n respect. the demon have shown the depth of my fire. thank you !!

we all need some hero to pick ourselves from those broken pieces and to walk with head held high. Thank you my dearest demon!! or should i say the most anomalous of all!! i care not of this demon’s gender, grace, attitudes or eccentricities. all i cared was the strangeness in its word. the anomalies in its Behaviour.

 

but one question to you demon!!

you have seen my soul’s mask i haven’t seen yours. how come that becomes a balanced equation??? fire never play with something unbalanced. it always love to play with a balanced version. so i challenge you openly to show me you soul’s mask. prove the devil inside you to me!!

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Nirjeeva Parinaamathinte Yathra!!!

choondu viralile aa murivil ninnu ippolu chora podiyunnund!!!!

eppolo engayo mullani kondu murinjathanu!!

ee thirakeriya bus yathrayil ee murivu ru sambhavame ala

mun seatile pacha headsetil paatu kelkunna vidvan,

oru nimisham enne thirinju noki

verum vaayuvilekku nokkuna pole

oru “ayye” emo ittu veendum avan thirinjirunnu!!!!!

pathiye pathiye thirakku kuranju

samayathite athir varambukal ariyathe

samayathinte graphil positive direction il

pokunna oru pattam viddikal!!!

samayathinte kayathil veenu,

jeevithathinte pinnotulla yathrayileku kaipidichu kondupoya

aa valiya hridayathinudama!!!!

avasana stoppil ethumbollum aa pacha headset vidwaan

andhichu nokkunnundayirunnu!!!!!

enne alla

ente thotta seatil irunnu vingunna pacha manushyane!!

shoonyathayilekenna pole enne noki

veendum oru ayye emo ittu avan irangi!!

Vingumma manushyante kayil murukke pidichu njan irunnu!!!

pathiye aricharichu avan busil ninnum irangi!!!!

oru mullani pranayathinte baakipathram pole…

ee vingunna manushyane ennum njan thangum!!!!

samayam avasanikkum vare!!!!

 

 

Note: ithu oru kavithyude randam bhagam aanu…!!!

karyangal vyakthamavan onnam bhagam vaayikukka!!!!

Nirjeeva Parinaamam

 

 

artist, inspirations, life, literature, Nostalgia, personal, Poem, poetic, Poetry, Thoughts, Uncategorized

Nirjeeva Parinaaman

vellamadichu naalukaalil nilkunna doctor

enne nokki ilichu,

“konnatho chathato…. ”

onnu koodi nannai aadi ulanju,

aa bheekara kodali eduthu!!

ente netti noki oru vettu….

nirjeeva rakthavum pottiya thalayoodum…..

ganapathiku muttarutha pole…

randu kashnangal….

ente thalachor eduthu…

chuvannu thalarna kannukal kondu oru inspection….

“ummm thaalachorinnu kshatham onnu illa….”

veendum oru emandan kathi eduthu….

ente kazhutharathu……

avidannu nere neenda oru dissection..

ente aadhya spandanathinu vazhi thanna

pokkil kodi bandathinte baaki pathram vare

neenda dissection…

nadu keeriya chaka pole..

polinju kidakkunu njan!!!!

aa virakkuna kaikal

ente changum, karalum, aamashayavum puratheduthu…

ellathinem onnu adimudi nooki…..

“ooohhh kolllalo…

ellam full conditionil thanna!!!!”

veendum aa kathi eduth needa oru vettu vetti!!!

manushya janmathinte pavithra sthanam…

ente garbhapathram…

“ithu puthan putiyatha!!!

jeevan mulakan ulla vayasu ithinaayitila”

“ithu chathatha!!!

konnathonnum alla…

veruthe samayam kalayan oruthanmar”

kayil kittya avayavangal

kanni kanda stalathu kuthti ketti..

evide ninno ozhukunna nirjeeva rakthahte

panji kondu thadanju….

kuthi keetiya avayavangale thunni ketti

oru vidham karyam theerthu doctor..

naalu kaalil doctor

Post-mortem hallil ninnu poi….

thunni kettiya enne kondupokkan vanvar jhetti…

pidakkuna changu aporath trayil

chudu chora niranja pidakkuna changu……

pinne njan marichathengane……

purathe varandhayil…

nenju potti alarunna sabdam….

parichithamaya aa aan sabdam…

chithaku thee kolithiyapolum kelkkamayirunnu….