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You know why i said i m ready for a kid??

Its not because i m scared not having one in future but this constant feeling that is eating me.
I may have scored the best than the rest of our group or in your friend circle. I may have had the better education than them. But I am a total failure than all. 

Even i have a wish to get a decent job with a decent pay. I wish to be in a quality work space. Not between some kitchen wives who jabber about nothing other than saas bahu drama and how horrible is married life. I want to be between quality people who enjoys life like our friends’ group does. Who makes me feel yes these are the people i want to be around or this is where i belong..

But no i always end up in garbage. I have realized its not gonna happen. i tried a lot to turn my luck. But no. i have worked hard; hard like anything to get those numbers on my marklist but alas they are mere numbers… And i am a big zero… 

Atleast i don’t want to be a even more giant failure buy wining over not having a baby.

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autobiographic bit, essay, Friends, Frienship, fun, inspirations, life, literature, memories, Nostalgia, personal, poetic, Quotes, Relations, romance, Thoughts, Uncategorized, wedding

A love letter 

Its funny that i wrote my first love letter to my husband after a year of our marriage. But thats is the best part of it. 

I got married on Jan 31st. But for me i got married on thr Christmas eve. Our’s was a.. um.. well arranged love marriage. Our family friends made us to meet and in just 3 or 4 days we decided to get married. In a month we were engaged and in 4 months we were married. 

Both of us have the same POV regarding relationship and it follows ” Lets not go around with dating and then getting to know and so on. Lets get married and then lets know each other.” For both of us it was like an adventure rollar coaster ride. Adrenaline and so much. 

So this love letter i wrote was not a surprise to him. But was full of surprises.

It goes like this

This is something that i wanted to tell you long back.How can you be sooooo charming and uuffffffffffff bloody hootttttt, making me want you all the time. You are like fire for me, the heat never leaves. Whenever i feel its going to be a show night i m excited to levels you can’t imagine. its like the first time.That adventure peak you took me on Christmas eve is still there. It feels like tht same night. For more than 500 days and nights its been the same, that thirst and desire is same.  The excitement is same from day one,Its still there.. i ll never get enough of you ever. You have grown in me like the root of a giant tree.It goes deeper in me day by day. I love you and desire you, each and every piece of you day after day… It’s like a thrill, an Excitement, an Adventure. Something that makes me do all kind of weird things.. wish for all weird things.  Simply you drive me crazy. YOU are irresistibly.My fox.I m yours only yours and i ll never ever get bored of you, because you are that spark that set whole of me, my whole world to fire.

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Growing old

“Grow old with me, the best is yet to be. The last of life, for which the first was made” Lines by Robert Browning.

We all may have come across these lines in our life. But how many us have actually known the meaning of it. For some it takes a pretty tragic moment to realize the meaning, by the time you realize it you might have lost the person itself. God forbid those situations. So don’t wait for the realization to struck you and there is no coming back. Go out front and be open about your feelings. Go out front and be open about yourself. Be honest and truthfully accept your flaws and perfections. Dont hesitate to share the same with your loved one  that special one so that when you hit that tragic moment you leave with no regrets but rather with a full joyful heart.

Never take time for granded. Live the moment and don’t ever wait for the right time. Who knows you ll be there to see it or not???

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Nirjeeva Parinaamathinte Yathra!!!

choondu viralile aa murivil ninnu ippolu chora podiyunnund!!!!

eppolo engayo mullani kondu murinjathanu!!

ee thirakeriya bus yathrayil ee murivu ru sambhavame ala

mun seatile pacha headsetil paatu kelkunna vidvan,

oru nimisham enne thirinju noki

verum vaayuvilekku nokkuna pole

oru “ayye” emo ittu veendum avan thirinjirunnu!!!!!

pathiye pathiye thirakku kuranju

samayathite athir varambukal ariyathe

samayathinte graphil positive direction il

pokunna oru pattam viddikal!!!

samayathinte kayathil veenu,

jeevithathinte pinnotulla yathrayileku kaipidichu kondupoya

aa valiya hridayathinudama!!!!

avasana stoppil ethumbollum aa pacha headset vidwaan

andhichu nokkunnundayirunnu!!!!!

enne alla

ente thotta seatil irunnu vingunna pacha manushyane!!

shoonyathayilekenna pole enne noki

veendum oru ayye emo ittu avan irangi!!

Vingumma manushyante kayil murukke pidichu njan irunnu!!!

pathiye aricharichu avan busil ninnum irangi!!!!

oru mullani pranayathinte baakipathram pole…

ee vingunna manushyane ennum njan thangum!!!!

samayam avasanikkum vare!!!!

 

 

Note: ithu oru kavithyude randam bhagam aanu…!!!

karyangal vyakthamavan onnam bhagam vaayikukka!!!!

Nirjeeva Parinaamam

 

 

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bREaK FREe

I was swiping through my facebook page and i wondered what possibly went wrong with my whole world….
 
i saw a totally different person smiling n posing upside down in my profile pic. i’m no more me. i’ve lost myself. In between these transformation of time i lost that perky, fun filled, crazy , party maker of the gang girl.. now as i look at the mirror, i dont recognize the person standing. i cant take this anymore… i want tht me back… i want my life back… i wake every morning and wish all this to be a nightmare. ..i wanna wake up in that hostel room where i spend three precious years of my life with 5 nut cases… mad, fun, love, party, joy, tears, fight, Halloween, girl talk n much more…… where every boring day can be turned into dance party day… camera’s clicking every now n then… Laughter… loud ones… Music, Movies, Makeovers, Shopping, Trips…..
 
they say heaven is wat you make… but seriously some times you are thrown into hell n you couldn’t connect to anyone or you are juz alone n all others are either more than your wavelength ppl or less…
 
Even my orange umbrella is getting fade… yes it looks like my colours are fading n its killing me…. i cant connect to the ppl around me… my work place is totally different. filled with older ppl… n ppl with whom i have nothing in common (Not even the same food thing). n orthodox ppl… i’m not moulded for this type of life… n if this is wat my future holds then i’m not gonna take it…  
 
if i cant change this i’ll surely avenge it….
 
Every night i think of this beach side where i will walk… wind sweeping over my cheeks…. i spreading my arms n enjoying every bit of it… n breathing in the raw smell…… i feel freedom… yes,…. i want to break-free…. Elope with my friends…. i miss them sooooo much…
 
i wanna scream like hell… there’s nothing to distract… no one in my life to talk this over… (yeah yeah i know this is wat happens to single ppl)… its one of those disgusting feeling you get while you are in periods….. i tries like a 1000 things… tried to drown in my job but eventually you’ll have to come out of the trench… n once you do that its back to Square one again….
 
This feeling is like a black hole… once you start falling into it… there’s no come back…
 
 
aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
I WANNA BREAK FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE……………!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Streak of Light

you are there in my brain….!!!!!
as a thin stray of memory……
but not more in my heart…!!!!!

the space is not your’s any more….
but left open with hope…..!!!!!

as a thin streak of light….
cutting the morning fog….
that someone will come…!!!!!
to cut out that thin stray….
with the sharp streak…

free from your memories…!!!!
free from your thoughts…!!!!

i live…….
a life with no burdens….
a life with no conditions…
a life with no restrictions….
a life with no priorities……

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Vengeance

I seek the vengeance,
My life, dead and gone..
Body tied to,
This planet.
Air of revenge,
Flowing, sweeping my feet
And filling my mind
With smell of hot red blood….
Raw flesh lusting me,
Devil I worship,
Vengeance the key,
To all minds and brain.
I’ll watch the pain,
In their eyes,
As I drain the soul,
Out of them….
Cries of pain,
Sweetest symphony,
in my ear..
life departing,
Beautiful sight than life….
Then…..
I smile…
With full heart and
Peaceful mind…
World asking why????
I say,…
No good to you….
But,
It fed my vengeance…..
No regrets…