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“To Read” Shelf


These are the books i intent to read this year…… and i’ve jux gone through 4 of them… its a big task for me.. but its quiet interesting and challenging one….. but the hottest problem is the heat itself… its a dead dry summer here this year… too hot that i cant even look at these books…

every noon i’m sleeping coz i’m too tired of this summer heat… i haven’t turned a page from my currently reading one”Bright Girls”… its been weeks…. same is the case with night… not hot… but a cool atmosphere… again you get carried away to your bed….

cant help… well i’m juz waiting for raining time this year… i’ll read n read n read… so for this moment… its jux gonna be the “TO READ”shelf……





The Unpleasant Truth (part 4)

Danny took the ring and walked to his car. I ran behind and apologized. But it was too late. He took my hand off his shoulder and gave me a fierce look. He left me there all by myself. Then I realized what I’ve done. I got to my car and drove. To catch him I went over the speed limit and in a hurry to overtake him I ran myself into a truck. I was hit and the car rolled thrice and I was thrown out of it.

I got the answer to how I’m dead. But why am I still here??? A moist feeling on my forehead took me back from my thoughts. “What juz happened…? I felt a kiss….” I turned around and saw Danny kissing my forehead. I only felt his kiss… why…??? Dear lord it was juz a crush with Gary… It was always Danny… he was right there in front of me every time… I never realized the fact or I juz ignored the fact that I’m finally falling for him. When he took off juz like that, Gary was the only one left.

Then I saw it. The dress I’m wearing. It’s not mom’s wedding gown. It’s the one I saw at Rome in my trip with Danny and Gary. Juz out of curiosity I wore it and fell in love with it instantly. Danny clicked a photo of mine. Looks like he bought it for me and kept it. The ring… The one I threw off. And it’s not Gary’s flower I’m holding it’s the dry red roses. The ones Danny gave me on our first prom night. I threw it off coz I hated it then.

“This is way more painful than death”. They took me to the cemetery and I’m being put in my grave. I know I’ve only a few moments left before they put a handful of soil in my grave. I screamed with all my voice. “I’m here Danny…I’m sorry…I’m jux sorry…I didn’t know… I really didn’t know… I thought it was all an act…but now no… I can’t see this… Please God take me back.. Please”. Nobody heard me. But Danny looked back as if he heard me.

I know now why I’m here and I know I’m not gonna go back, it’s not my unfinished business that’s holding me here. Its Danny’s and now all I can do is to watch this man run down to ruins because of me… my ego and pride…My temper… I curse the moment… if I took it lightly… the whole picture would have been different…

All went back home after the funeral. I sat there speechless and thoughtless. Now I know why I didn’t remember any of this… Danny did find me that night. On my way to the hospital in his arms I said I want to forget the moment I said those horrible thing. That was my death wish. By the time I reached the hospital, I passed out.

I went to Danny’s mansion. The place I think I’ll find peace finally. But the sight made me crush down to pieces. The man who didn’t even cry in his father’s funeral is crying with his face onto the pillow. because I’m dead. I felt angry on myself.

I walked back and all I think of is that life and living is the easy part. Death is the hard one. Unlike others I’m cursed to watch this mess I left behind and die each moment…

My life was all over with this man’s love. It’s the real truth…. I’m loved by the perfect one I can ever find in this world and it had the worse ending…

I, Johanna Evangelin  Redell, D/o Mr. Peter Redell and Mrs.Elizabeth Redell, Sister of Juliana Victoria Redell Dallis lost the battle of life…..

Yes…I’m in love juz like any other girl and being loved by the perfect guy any girl can imagine of and unlike other girls I’m dead….. I’m watching this man killing himself and accusing himself for my death and this is THE UNPLEASANT TRUTH of my life and death…..


The Unpleasant truth (part 3)

Ooh all happened on Jul’s wedding night.

It all went well as I planned. The wedding came as a big surprise to us all. It was planned for the summer. But Adam’s grandmother wanted it as early as possible. It was a hectic week. The wedding shower, bridesmaids dress, the dinner, the cake, the venue, the buffet, and in middle of this all I dumped in to Daniel, my long lost recently found friend.

It happened in the middle of my wedding shopping. As usual Daniel is in full of energy with a camera and clicking me as I ran to him with both my hands spread which was actually packed with shopping bags…  I’m his favorite model… he clicks even when I sleep…

Daniel Ashcroft, only son of the steel tycoon Benjamin Ashcroft and Anna Ashcroft always wanted to do things the normal way. He wanted to go to the school were the middleclass went. That‘s how I ran into him in my 3rd grade. Some guys were bullying him and I kicked one of them and saved the day for him. Since then we are together . In high school, college everywhere. Both of us are the best and best of friends. No secrets. Our mutual friends even suspected that we are dating. But the truth is that we never agreed on anything. We fought on each and everything. He always pulls my leg. He was the perfect example of a true friend. One who puts you in the biggest trouble as possible and I loved it. I always covered for his multiple dates. I covered for his multiple girlfriends. Since he’s the only son of a millionaire, girls revolved around him and one day he got bored and asked me to be his by standing girlfriend. Well I made a good profit out of that contract. He paid me for each day. He is in love with his camera and nothing else. He clicks every time. He did it with great pleasure coz it irritated me .He is the one who introduced me to Gary.  In the beginning 5 or 6 months he was around with Gary. The three of us had the great time together.  Sam was not in the picture then.

But on the Christmas night of 2007, his dad died in a car crash and Danny didn’t come out of it. He left us all. No calls. No mails a total black out. Nobody knew where he went. Gary and I tried to locate him. But nothing and now he’s back.

He lends a hand with the wedding arrangements and it was old times again. He teases me. But this time this was a bit different. Something special about this whole coming back…

He asked me for a dance and it reminded me of the evening at Rome. Danny, Gary and me… Gary came around and asked me if I can get one of the bridesmaid girls for a dance with him… he’s a playboy.

Suddenly Danny got a call and he was all worried. He said it was from someone an informant, who has information about his father’s accident. He wanted to go but couldn’t coz if Gary finds out about it he’ll make a scene about this and will definitely scare the informant off. I stepped in and said I’ll go and meet the man. He protested but I convinced him.

I went to this deserted warehouse and I hear this loud noise of a 100 bullets and suddenly I saw a man standing there at one end of the warehouse. He is walking towards me and all I can think of is to run for my life. Suddenly I felt someone grab my hand and as I turned Danny was there on one knee and without even letting me speak pulled a ring in my finger and kissed me. I couldn’t even breathe and he smiled to the fullest. I let myself off from his hand and screamed at him. “What the hell did you think you are doing..?? What’s this… you lied about your dad’s accident.. You used it to get me here…?” he smiled, “the old man wouldn’t mind. Also he likes you very much…”. He made it sound so silly… I was in top of my temper and I threw away the ring. I was so angry with him.  How can someone lie about their dad’s death?  Also make it so funny. “Juz how did u decide that I’m goona say yes. I’ll never say yes to someone who’s damn irresponsible as you are. When your mom and all the others around needed you the most, you fled. How can I trust you with my heart? What’s the guarantee that you won’t walk away from this relation in an unfair situation???” Then Gary came around” hei its juz for fun.. Actually I wanna see if it works on Amy.. I’m gonna propose to her… she’s a replica of you.” Oohh… I curse the very moment when those words came out from my mouth…Damn…. “Bad timing”.

essay, Friends, fun, inspirations, life, literature, memories, personal, Relations, romance, Short story, Thoughts, Uncategorized

The Unpleasant Truth (part 2)

May 25 2012. 10am

“I can’t die… I’m jux 25 and my Lil sis Jul is getting married next month and there’s so much to be done n said between Gary n me… Ooh dear…” There is nothing left to be said and done. That green line and the awkward beep sound tell it all. It’s over. But it jux don’t fit in. Why there is no white light to take me to heaven or why no ravens to take me to hell… I’m still here… Invisible too…

“Ooh I get it… There is some unfinished business… I can’t go without fulfilling it…That’s it…Jul’s wedding”. It’s my dream. After mom’s death I literally became her mom. Dad was going through a lot then.

Now the hospital people are taking me to the morgue. I’m still shocked… But how… I can’t even remember a thing… The last thing I remember is I’m congratulating Jul on her engagement with Adam.. What happened after that?   I’m hearing soft sobs behind me. Jul is crying on Adam’s shoulder and Sam is trying to console dad. Gary is making arrangements for relieving my body.  I heard dad telling Gary that I’ll be buried near my mom at St. Xavier church grounds.  God this is horrible… I can’t take this anymore….I ran out crying. Outside its rush time and people are walking through me. I cried aloud. But it was worthless. None of them heard me. I felt a pain in my heart.  I ran and ran and ran endlessly…crying… Wandering through the city. I’m lost….. Finally I found myself standing in front me the church. The one place where it’s all going to end.

I ran to the stairs leading to the church hall. But something stopped me. No… I can’t watch myself lying in a coffin all dressed up. At that moment there came the limousine and Gary stepped out. He’s carrying a bunch of white roses followed by Jumpie. He has a bunch of white lilies. Ooh he used to give me a white lily every morning. Freshly plucked from Gary’s garden without him noticing…

Sam came in her yellow beetle with a hand full of small bits of papers. The papers through with we passed on messages and gossips and evening party plans during office hours. Gary hated texting while in office. Those paper bits hold the whole essence of our friendship…  My heart is coming down into pieces. This is not right… This is unfair…   I saw those last bits of my memory being deposited in the coffin…

“Hei… Wait a minute. What on earth is Jul carrying..? No way…” Mom’s wedding gown??? But I gift wrapped it for Jul. “ Jul… why did u do this dear… I will never want to wear it… not in my funeral.” Gary is going to place those flowers in my hands. God this is even more painful… He knew about it… he knew about my crush…now I pulled him too to this mess.  When am I going to understand the meaning of d phrase “bad timing”…?

I slipped to the cemetery and stood at my mom’s tombstone. In a few moments I’ll be here near her. I saw the long garland I put on the tombstone a month back on her death anniversary. I tried to pick it up.”Damn… I’m dead…” my hands passed through it.

I turned and walked to the church hall. I’ve made my mind that I will take a last sneak peek at myself. As I walked I saw a man hurrying into the hall. I didn’t see his face but he was holding a lot of things in his hands.

I heard the priest saying prayers. They have started the funeral ceremony and the worst part is I don’t remember what happened to me. I stood there for a few minutes. With all my strength I stepped into the hall and sat at the last row. Now they have started to talk about me. Moments they shared with me. The laughter and tears , all of them ..

Finally it’s over and I walked besides my coffin and it struck me. My Goodness Jul is wearing a wedding ring. “What… she got married…?” Then I saw Gary with some girl and she’s wearing his mother’s ring. “What is going on…? Gary’s engaged and Jul’s married… then.. Why am I still here… I’ve nothing left to do…” then I saw it. “God what‘ve I done…!”

There at my coffin stood the most unexpected man… Gary’s Cousin Daniel. My childhood friend

essay, Friends, fun, inspirations, life, literature, personal, prose, Relations, romance, Short story, Thoughts, Uncategorized

The Unpleasant Truth (part 1)

May 25 2012:-

The day began as usual. I’m driving ma car beyond the city limit. Cops will follow me in any sec; before it happens I pulled up at Barry’s for ma usual coffee n burger. I’m late for my office and if I don’t make it by 5 minutes Gary is going to kill me. Ooh Gary is my boss and I’m his personal assistant. I pulled out saying good morning to old Barry and in 5 minutes I found myself parking my car at the parking lot near to Gary’s Porsche’s place.

I rushed to the elevator which was about to close. I screamed,” Hold it…” I got in and got out the 12th floor. I’m totally surprised coz I ‘m rushing to be here on time and looks like half the office is on leave. “What’s with all…????”. Any ways I went to my desk. “Oohh God…Not this…”it’s as I left it 2 weeks back when I was called for an emergency by my lil sister. I arranged my desk and looked at Gary’s log and he’s going to have a hell of the day. 3 meetings with international companies and a court hearing and to top it off he have to fly again to Rio for signing the contract of his new Mansion there. A man of 29 to gain this success….. Pretty impressive… yeah I’m head over heels in love with him and the whole office knows it except him… Well it’s my job to make sure he reaches everywhere on time. I scheduled it and there he is coming rushing to the office followed by Jumpie. Jumpie is his driver/bodyguard.

Looks like he is in a bad mood… I stood up and said Good morning. He barely heard it. He suddenly stopped and looked back at me. I’m stunned and he Signed and got to his office. I followed him but he barely noticed. Something seems odd. Since I got her, everyone is so not here, there is something wrong. He is not talking to me; also he didn’t hand over his coat to me. Suddenly Sandy came in and he’s asking about the schedule to her. He is acting as if I’m not there. I went out and took the documents which needed his sign immediately. But as I try to take it, it slipped and God knows how I started bleeding, bleeding like hell and I can’t find a handkerchief. Suddenly Jumpie came in and announced that its time to go for the hospital. “Someone is sick…???? It got to be someone special or else why the whole office is shutting down for the evening…” then I noticed God everyone is in mourning except me… “You bloody Sam; u didn’t text me about this”.

Samantha a.k.a Sam is my office buddy. She didn’t show up here today too. I grabbed my bag and went with others. Gary have arranged for a shuttle service. I got in it and it pulled up at the city hospital. We went in. Then I saw there’s Sam standing and she’s crying. Ooh God who is it…

It’s the devastating moment in my life… there in the hospital bed is where I lie. “God what’s this… How is this… what’s happening”. I run in there and stood in front of them but no one seeing me and there is this priest who’s saying prayer and what are they doing… ooh God that’s the reason for the bleeding… I’m dying. The doctor is coming “hei… hello I’m here… please someone.. Get me back to my body… I’m alive… don’t do anything stupid… No… no… No… don’t pull the pipe… I’ll die… don’t…” but the doctor pulled it… and the end… I closed my eyes and nothing happened…

book review, historical romance book review, literature, Thoughts

On the last page of “The Winding stair” me thinks….

It all started as usual. I was on my way to the railway station, and I was early that day. So i headed for my favorite place – the second hand book store. There I found the book “The Winding Stair”, by Jane Aiken Hodge.
I started reading it in the train itself. By the time I reached home, I managed to read out a couple of chapters.
The story is about a damsel in distress (lemme put it that way), named Juana. The story opens with the suicide attempt of the heroine. She tries to jump from a small bridge and, Mr.Gair Varlow, the hero comes for the rescue (I know I don’t need to add hero here. still for the sake of the readers). And the best part is, she tried to commit suicide juz coz she had to play the part of viola from the celebrated play of Shakespeare “twelfth night”. Not to mention she got stammer. The curious part is that she stammers only in English. (Oops sorry I forget to mention she is half Portuguese and knows it well ;-)). Well he manages to take her back to the play. Then it’s revealed that he needed her to do something for her and he writes to her grandmother in Portugal to call her back there (He knows her grandmother since both of them work for English government ,you guessed it, spies).
Well the damsel in distress goes to Portugal in the next favorable wind and she finds her sick grandmother and her purpose there. Here comes the winding stair. It’s the secret stair from the old lady’s room to deep down the castle of the rock (the castle of rock is where the grandmother lives).underneath the castle lies the meeting place of the notorious sons of the stars. Her duty is to open the doors for the members and lock herself in a cell (she is not allowed to hear their discussions), and to lock after the discussion is over. But her real purpose is to listen to their discussions by opening a secret panel in her cell.
She is accompanied by her two uncles and a mad Aunt Elvira (a nice name, never heard it and I don’t think she is mad). She has two cosines. They are the men of the prince and the princess (lots of politics in this part).Things go well for her, she witness a number of meeting and the hero or shall I put it the knight in the armor comes the following morning to hear the whereabouts of the meetings.
A new man or another knight comes to her life, a cousin from her maternal side and falls, head over heels in love with her. His name is interesting Vasco (I’m using the short of it, since I have difficulty in spelling it)
The story goes on to tell his attempts marry her and Mr. Varlow’s attempts of protecting her and the secret society’s terrifying intentions.
Me thinks……
The opening is juz like any other historical romance, a couple of chapters proves that. But moving on we find more and more intrigued to know what actually got our damsel to come to Portugal. To her grandmother, who disinherited her father, calls her back from England. We’ll be surprised by the damsel’s logic and her reasons of actions. She takes up everything without asking much questions and best of all, she do think about it deeply and she do share the same thoughts of the readers. But the thing that I didn’t understand is that how she comes to take up everything even the biggest revelations without a shock.
The author do tries her best to keep up the suspense and she does succeed to some extent. But the reader finds their enthusiasm lessened as they turn each page. She drags the story by adding more about the notorious and terrifying secret society which plans on its own government. Chapter from 9 to 15 is a mess. Its gets you to the last level of patience. But as soon you get to chapter 18 “a change in wind, says I” (borrowing without permission (as quoted by Capt. Jack sparrow) the lines of Mr. Gibbs for Pirates of Caribbean). This part of the story shakes you. You are really surprised, coz you find yourself eager to find what happens next.
You suspect each and every one of the novel to be the villain. She does have the credit on this one. But the part I didn’t get on well is that, she portraits Aunt Elvira not to be mad and she warns the damsel of the threats and dangers, but doesn’t tell about how she came to know all about it. Also nothing about her is told in the end. It’s left like a loose string. The readers do have lots of questions at the end unanswered. It looks like the author was in a hurry in wrapping the novel to the end since she dragged it enough in the middle.
So ME THINKS…… 2 out of 5 stars… read it at your own risk (if you have a great deal of patience).