May 25 2012. 10am
“I can’t die… I’m jux 25 and my Lil sis Jul is getting married next month and there’s so much to be done n said between Gary n me… Ooh dear…” There is nothing left to be said and done. That green line and the awkward beep sound tell it all. It’s over. But it jux don’t fit in. Why there is no white light to take me to heaven or why no ravens to take me to hell… I’m still here… Invisible too…
“Ooh I get it… There is some unfinished business… I can’t go without fulfilling it…That’s it…Jul’s wedding”. It’s my dream. After mom’s death I literally became her mom. Dad was going through a lot then.
Now the hospital people are taking me to the morgue. I’m still shocked… But how… I can’t even remember a thing… The last thing I remember is I’m congratulating Jul on her engagement with Adam.. What happened after that? I’m hearing soft sobs behind me. Jul is crying on Adam’s shoulder and Sam is trying to console dad. Gary is making arrangements for relieving my body. I heard dad telling Gary that I’ll be buried near my mom at St. Xavier church grounds. God this is horrible… I can’t take this anymore….I ran out crying. Outside its rush time and people are walking through me. I cried aloud. But it was worthless. None of them heard me. I felt a pain in my heart. I ran and ran and ran endlessly…crying… Wandering through the city. I’m lost….. Finally I found myself standing in front me the church. The one place where it’s all going to end.
I ran to the stairs leading to the church hall. But something stopped me. No… I can’t watch myself lying in a coffin all dressed up. At that moment there came the limousine and Gary stepped out. He’s carrying a bunch of white roses followed by Jumpie. He has a bunch of white lilies. Ooh he used to give me a white lily every morning. Freshly plucked from Gary’s garden without him noticing…
Sam came in her yellow beetle with a hand full of small bits of papers. The papers through with we passed on messages and gossips and evening party plans during office hours. Gary hated texting while in office. Those paper bits hold the whole essence of our friendship… My heart is coming down into pieces. This is not right… This is unfair… I saw those last bits of my memory being deposited in the coffin…
“Hei… Wait a minute. What on earth is Jul carrying..? No way…” Mom’s wedding gown??? But I gift wrapped it for Jul. “ Jul… why did u do this dear… I will never want to wear it… not in my funeral.” Gary is going to place those flowers in my hands. God this is even more painful… He knew about it… he knew about my crush…now I pulled him too to this mess. When am I going to understand the meaning of d phrase “bad timing”…?
I slipped to the cemetery and stood at my mom’s tombstone. In a few moments I’ll be here near her. I saw the long garland I put on the tombstone a month back on her death anniversary. I tried to pick it up.”Damn… I’m dead…” my hands passed through it.
I turned and walked to the church hall. I’ve made my mind that I will take a last sneak peek at myself. As I walked I saw a man hurrying into the hall. I didn’t see his face but he was holding a lot of things in his hands.
I heard the priest saying prayers. They have started the funeral ceremony and the worst part is I don’t remember what happened to me. I stood there for a few minutes. With all my strength I stepped into the hall and sat at the last row. Now they have started to talk about me. Moments they shared with me. The laughter and tears , all of them ..
Finally it’s over and I walked besides my coffin and it struck me. My Goodness Jul is wearing a wedding ring. “What… she got married…?” Then I saw Gary with some girl and she’s wearing his mother’s ring. “What is going on…? Gary’s engaged and Jul’s married… then.. Why am I still here… I’ve nothing left to do…” then I saw it. “God what‘ve I done…!”
There at my coffin stood the most unexpected man… Gary’s Cousin Daniel. My childhood friend